5 years ago to the day, marks the anniversary of my surgery, and to this day I still see flashbacks of that time. Laying in my hospital still wondering what the hell was going on. How much of myself had I lost, both mentally and physically. Was this it for me, am I just going to live in survival?
I think like most people going through trauma, its so easy to play the victim. I did for such a long time after. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Will I be normal again? It’s scary, traumatic, emotionally draining. How can we overcome what we don’t know? If we have nothing to compare too, how can we know what works and what doesn’t? At that time, it becomes impossible to visualise the positive outcomes. You just start living in that same loop, months on end, you think you’ll never get out it.
My friends. Trust me when I say this. You will!
Everything Happens for a Reason!
If you’re reading this at a difficult time you probably won’t agree with me, and I can fully understand. I wasn’t a believer. Then, if you’re reading this having overcome trauma, you’ll know exactly what I mean.
It’s easier for me to write this now, coming from a place of peace and acceptance, but the answer truly is in the statement. I genuinely believe we are given testing moments. Truly horrible experiences to help us realise something we’re missing. Something that will really transform us to a new level of ‘being’, ‘living’.
I know for me. I was living life on cruise control. Not being truly fulfilled. For me, i know the reason this happened was to give me the kick up the arse I needed. Awakening me to the fact this was now an opportunity to live that fulfilling life. To be the man I always knew I was meant to be.
Tony Robbins put this in another way. “Everything is happening for me, not to me”. It helps us to realise we’re not the victim, or we don’t have to be. If we put all our love, energy and focus into it, we can really see what these events are trying to tell us.
Now, this is a timely process. Again, everything happens for a reason. We need that time to really process all the raw emotions. To deep dive into the issue and understand what areas of our body and mind are trying to heal. But those answers will come, and you will get that powerful light bulb moment. When that happens, the emotions will come flooding out, and that right there, is your transformation.
Gratitude!
Looking back at the past 5 years. It has been a long and sometimes painful road. Though I look back on every single part of it with gratitude. I’m so thankful for going through all the bad times, and you have to be. It’s these times that make you stronger and stronger. You learn the skills and absorb those experiences to be able to overcome absolutely anything.
Now, those joyful moments completely outweigh the bad, and it will for you too. So much so, that when you look back on those tough moments you may have a little smile, as it reminds you of the amazing person you’ve become. Life is much happier when you can live in state of gratitude.
Happy Anniversary (My Nugget)
I’m not a good poet by any means, but hasn’t stopped me from trying. I wanted to write a little something, a thank you to my squidgy poopy saviour. This is my nugget. As a reminder to myself and all of you. Enjoy!
5 years ago, I awoke to you on my tummy.
Sure, I wasn’t expecting you.
Sure, it started as a love hate relationship.
And sure, you caused a literal pain in my arse.
Only as time passed, did I truly awaken.
Waking to see your real purpose.
Not only to save my life.
Not only to keep me healthy and safe to this day.
But to be the unsung hero.
For you transformed me into a better man.
The man I was meant to be.
For its because of you I hold my head up high,
That I found my self-worth
That I am enough
That I’m fearless
That no matter how hard things will get I can now pick myself up stronger than ever,
Over and over again
So, thank you,
For you helped me fall in love with myself
Thank you,
For I have found internal peace and freedom,
Thank you,
For you helped me find my purpose,
And most importantly, thank you,
For without you, I wouldn’t have found me.